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Epsilon says:
Heeeeeey guys! I don't think I've ever talked to you =o Anyway, I was playing with my powers, and I made five of these!
Vampire Melo
So I was thinking..heey... I bet you guys would like these! I hope at least? Well anyway I was thinking of how to give them out...and came out with two ideas!
1) One of them I'll auction for any sort of Iron, Gold, or Silver pieces! So I can give them to my mentor, Chimera, and maybe he'll like me more! ;( So the total number of those you offer = your offer in this auction, okay?
2) I really wanna make Chimera laugh, okay? He's always scowling at me. So how about this, you tell me the best vampire joke you can think of. I'll pick my four favorite submissions and those users will win a vampire melo! :D You can submit as many times as you want but only do it on this news!
Um..for the second, unique jokes only please? If I search your joke on google and find it you fail ;( Hehehe.. so beware!
I'm gonna close this contest tomorrow at midnight, okay? (so October 22)
Good luck!
Posted by Jack
(#1) on Tue Oct 20, 2009 11:59pm
- Springdragon
(#650)
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Posted on: Wed Dec 31, 1969 6:00pm
You might answer that the fangs are supposed to cut the victim, but to do that, you'd need a shearing action, which can only be produced by both upper and lower fangs, and while werewolves and zombies are properly designed (as much as a zombie counts as designed), popular media has been very clear that vampires only have upper fangs because having all four would distend the shape of the mouth, and for some reason, vampires, unlike werewolves and zombies, have to be charismatic. I'm not sure where that idea came from, but a dead person is not supposed to be attractive unless you're a necrophilliac.
- Springdragon
(#650)
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Posted on: Wed Dec 31, 1969 6:00pm
Back to the point of the upper fangs. Since there are only upper fangs, one might argue that they're used for stabbing, which means that every time a vampire bites down on the neck, he should get splattered in the face with every heartbeat, but that wouldn't be charismatic. So instead, the victim's heartbeat must be weak enough that he or she is dead anyway, in which case, why bother going after live humans? But that wouldn't be charismatic either, because the girl has to be seduced, not systematically slaughtered and drained or it wouldn't be as interesting to watch, which proves once and for all that philosophic thought, or any other kind of thought, always leads a man back to sex.
- Mars
(#128)
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Posted on: Wed Dec 31, 1969 6:00pm
since I only have one Iron Pieces left I will bid One Iron Pieces. I guess Slash deleted my others? I had 3 i think.
- Mars
(#128)
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Posted on: Wed Dec 31, 1969 6:00pm
lol I up my bid to 2, couse I found another Iron Pieces, tho I still fail lmao
- Vettie
(#105)
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Posted on: Wed Dec 31, 1969 6:00pm
I suck at jokes. XD Plus all my pieces of iron are gone.
Be prepared! I vill return!
What's a vampire's favourite job? A blood banker...(combination of two favourite professions XD)
What did Epsilon think of my joke? It sucked. Yeah >.>
- Springdragon
(#650)
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Posted on: Wed Dec 31, 1969 6:00pm
God created man in his image, and then He created vampires in man's image to encourage man to kill itself off.
- Nate
(#523)
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Posted on: Wed Dec 31, 1969 6:00pm
What did the vampire say to his female human lover?
Same time, next month?
- Gwenhwyfach
(#92)
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Posted on: Wed Dec 31, 1969 6:00pm
Q:: What is the only thing better than a Grade B, Sci-fi Apocalyptic zombie movie with cheezy subtitles?....A:: A Grade B, Sci-fi Apocalyptic zombie movie with cheezy subtitles and vampires.
- Gwenhwyfach
(#92)
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Posted on: Wed Dec 31, 1969 6:00pm
Q:: What is the only thing better than a Grade B, Sci-fi Apocalyptic zombie movie with cheezy subtitles?....A:: A Grade B, Sci-fi Apocalyptic zombie movie with cheezy subtitles and vampires.
Posted on: Wed Dec 31, 1969 6:00pm
The vampire is a bipedal humanoid that subsists on blood, only instead of squeezing everything out at once like the aliens in War of the Worlds, they have to cut the victim open and suck it out through their fangs, which of course, must be hollow and have little fleshy tubes the connect to the throat, except that suction is produced in the mouth with the tongue, so it can't really work that way, which means that either the fangs open up in the mouth or the vampire drinks with its lips just like a normal human, which makes the fangs redundant either way.